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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. tintop

    tintop Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    Canberra
    I've got a really annoying neighbour - yesterday he came around, banging on my door at 3 in the morning

    luckily I was still up playing my drums
     
    MAP77 likes this.
  2. tintop

    tintop Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    Canberra
    my son has an imaginary drum kit ... can't beat that
     
    TeeBee and MAP77 like this.
  3. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    What is the first thing Santa's Elves have to learn in school?
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    The Elfabet :confused:
     
  4. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,583
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
    She had to call an eggs-terminator!

    Why do we paint Easter eggs?
    Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

    What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
    Fry-days.

    What kind of bunny can't hop?
    A chocolate one!
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
  5. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?
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    Anna one, Anna two!
     
    Ninga likes this.
  6. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,583
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, "I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is."

    He said, "Have to love Easter, baby."
     
    KahunaKombi and Ninga like this.
  7. gazman

    gazman Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,819
    Location:
    Perth WA
    [​IMG]
     
    Barry likes this.
  8. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  9. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  10. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,356
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    I can’t find my Gone in 60 seconds DVD

    It was here a minute ago.
     
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  11. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  12. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  13. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  14. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,356
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Hillbilly Moms Letter

    Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left.
    Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

    Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

    It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

    The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

    About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???

    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.
    We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.
    One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
    The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

    Not much more news this time.
    Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
    Love, Mom
     
    MAP77 likes this.
  15. tintop

    tintop Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    Canberra
    I bought a new mattress over the Easter break...I haven't decided if I will chuck the old one out or keep it in the spare room - so I'm sleeping on it
     
  16. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    What go's peck peck Bang, peck peck Bang...?
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    A flock of chickens in a mine field!
     
  17. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Last night I dreamed I was the author of Lord of the Rings...

    I was Tolkien in my sleep.
     
  18. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,769
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .................

    Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche :eek:
     
    MAP77, BrianK and Barry like this.
  19. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    413
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    Have to try this to see if it is true!

    58378578_2534951289876893_7262358761992355840_n[1].jpg
     
    KahunaKombi, rstucke, Aspudis and 3 others like this.
  20. Wayne murray

    Wayne murray Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,852
    Location:
    Seven hills

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