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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,368
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking greyhound For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
    The man sees a very nice looking greyhound sitting there.
    "Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound.
    "Yes," the greyhound replies.
    After recovering from the shock of hearing the greyhound talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
    The greyhound looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
    "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a greyhound would be eavesdropping.
    "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
    But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
    The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the greyhound.
    "Ten quid," the owner says.
    "£10!!? But this greyhound is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
    "Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!.
     
    oldman and TeeBee like this.
  2. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    429
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  3. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,813
    Location:
    newcastle
    Mine are not listening well enough & I'm a kombi driver:(.
    What's yours;)?
    Cheers
     
    MAP77 likes this.
  4. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    429
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    67776152_1172730009585550_7426979279285518336_n[1].jpg
     
    David H, Ninga and oldman like this.
  5. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,011
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    Most of us are ambivalent about aging. We wish that we had more energy and fewer aches and pains: but on the other hand, we’re happy to be alive. This delicately-worded poem captures the true sense of aging and can’t help but bring a smile to your wrinkled face and a few tears to your weary eyes.



    Walk With Me While I age












    A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER





    F#ck me....



    I forgot the words.
     
    David H, MAP77, Ninga and 2 others like this.
  6. oldman

    oldman Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    8,523
    Location:
    Avalon Beach NSW
    Gold Rick !
    Cheers,
    Mark
     
  7. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,253
    Location:
    Mentone
  8. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,813
    Location:
    newcastle
    Jerome likes this.
  9. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,253
    Location:
    Mentone
  10. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    928
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  11. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    928
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  12. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    928
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
    KC (3).png
     
    TeeBee likes this.
  13. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    928
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  14. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,650
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    What do you call Winnie the Pooh when he dies?

    Winne the Dead Sh#t
     
  15. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    429
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    The sweater I bought the other day was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store ......

    They gave me another one free of charge
     
    TeeBee, Ninga, tintop and 1 other person like this.
  16. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,871
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Ok so get the joke :p ...... but have you turned the light off then removed clothing that has static electricity :eek: ...... you get a nice light show :D & it can be a little shocking :confused:
     
    MAP77 likes this.
  17. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    429
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  18. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,813
    Location:
    newcastle
    Love it MAP77:D:D:D. Didn't know I was married to a florist:(.
    Cheers
     
  19. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,871
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  20. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,650
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    I had a beer with my mate the other day and we started telling some puns.

    He said “if you know any fish puns - let minnow”
     
    Wayne murray, MAP77, TeeBee and 2 others like this.

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