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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. deeksy62

    deeksy62 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    698
    Location:
    Sawtell
    Don't fret, he's a plucky young fella!
     
    TeeBee, Wayne murray, Ninga and 2 others like this.
  2. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    Ooops!

    68800635_2386684378082866_3238629469757374464_n (1).jpg
     
    oldman, Ninga, micklyan and 6 others like this.
  3. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,389
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.
    The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
    So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
    However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
    The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
    After all, this was a very delicate matter.
    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
    She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
    All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
    One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
    She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
    There is no way I could ever repay you."
    "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.
    I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
     
    73kombi, Wattie, Wayne murray and 6 others like this.
  4. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,389
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well. I will be dept free, I’m so excited I can barely put my ski mask on.
     
  5. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  6. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  7. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,960
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  8. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,960
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  9. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,960
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  10. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,259
    Location:
    Mentone
  11. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,960
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  12. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  13. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,259
    Location:
    Mentone
    FB_IMG_1567069955266.jpg watch out for the fork in the road
     
    BrianK, TeeBee, KahunaKombi and 5 others like this.
  14. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,961
    Location:
    newcastle
    My.... that's an unfortunate forking;).
    3 tynes & the handle in. Must have been an attractive tyre:p.
    Cheers
    Any one want to explain the physics that could cause this:confused:. How can it enter 2 positions with one rotational direction????
    Best I can do is the handle entered first & the pressure from inside caused the 'leverage effect' to push the tynes up & the next roll caused the tynes to embed & the missing embed was because it was in the groove. But it did try!
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2019
    Mr Beckstar likes this.
  15. Mr Beckstar

    Mr Beckstar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,038
    Location:
    Bateau Bay, NSW
  16. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,718
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    Hey did you here that doctors have discovered the leading cause of dry skin ?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    A towel.
     
  17. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  18. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,389
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

    The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ To ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan And didn’t I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?’

    She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’

    The Father asked, ‘And be there Any wee little ones yet?’

    She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’

    The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week And I’ll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.’

    She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father…’ They then parted ways..

    Some years later they met again.
    The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’
    She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’
    The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have ye any wee ones yet?’

    She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father!
    Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’

    The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful!
    And how is yer loving hoosband doing?’

    She replied, ‘E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin’ candle!!!
     
  19. tintop

    tintop Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    525
    Location:
    Canberra
    Sharon just handed me a 'get better soon' card.

    I'm not sick, she just reckons I could be better.
     
    TeeBee, Grantus, Mr Beckstar and 7 others like this.
  20. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW

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