1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. Ninga

    Ninga Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,164
    Location:
    Tumut
    :D That could be it. My English teacher used to say... sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
     
    Grantus likes this.
  2. cbus

    cbus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    12,695
    Location:
    sunshine coast
    Only for those who don't know how to use it ;)
     
  3. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,075
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Coming into summer, a guy was busy swatting flies in the kitchen.

    The wife walks in and asked “Are you succeeding?”

    “Yes”, he replies, “So far, I’ve got 9 females, and 4 males.”

    “How do you know which is which?” She asked...

    “4 were on my beer can, and 9 were on the phone!”




    Now, either like this JOKE, or if you don’t have enough of a sense of humour to recognise a JOKE, and you find it offensive, please refrain from replying, and simply just ignore this post. ;)
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2019
    MAP77, Syncro27, Barry and 5 others like this.
  4. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,012
    Location:
    newcastle
    That's okay my friend:) as it had nothing to do with physicality. And it's funny:D.
    Cheers
     
  5. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,381
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    A simplified urine test that is relevant for us blokes.


    Go outside and pee in the garden.

    If ants gather:- diabetes.

    If you pee on your feet:- prostate.

    if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol.

    if when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis.

    if you return inside with your penis outside your pants:- Alzheimers
     
  6. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,381
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    The other day I was walking along the street when I slipped in dog shit.
    A minute latter, some guy did exactly the same.
    I said to him, "I just did that".
    He punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard!
     
  7. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,075
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    A return patient walks in for an appointment with her plastic surgeon, for yet another face lift.

    The Doctor sits her down, to explain a new procedure, that she may be interested in.

    “We have a new process called ‘The Knob’. We fit it to the back of your neck, and it’s connected to your facial skin and muscles. Every two years you simply turn the knob, to tighten up the skin. No anaesthetic, no time in hospital, no bruising or recovery time.”

    “Sounds great!”, says the patient, so she agrees to have the knob fitted.

    10 years later, the patient is back for an appointment with the surgeon.

    “Doctor”, she says, “The knob has been wonderful! Every two years I’ve tightened it a little, and feel like a new woman. However, I just need you to look at these bags under my eyes.”

    The doctor has a close look, and says, “Madam, they are your breasts.”


    She looks across the table, and says, “Well that would explain the goatie beard on my chin then........”



    Now again, either like this JOKE, or if you don’t have enough of a sense of humour to recognise a JOKE, and you find it offensive, please refrain from replying, and simply just ignore this post. ;)
     
    Syncro27, MAP77, Wayne murray and 3 others like this.
  8. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,381
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    That's the best joke I've heard in a long time.
    Kym couldn't stop laughing.
     
    Luckyphil likes this.
  9. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,075
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Cheers Rick. ;)

    I had to put the disclaimer on the bottom, being a joke about “physicality”.

    Coz when I previously posted about going to my school reunion, and I was assuming that all the girls I went to school with that had big boobs, and long legs, now have long boobs & big legs, I did upset........ well one member that I know of, without a sense of humour, so I’ve learnt to add a disclaimer, when appropriate. :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2019
    Syncro27 and rstucke like this.
  10. cbus

    cbus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    12,695
    Location:
    sunshine coast
    So a ban on jokes about fat deaf old bastards with non existent hairlines and crap memory. ??

    I feel so much safer now.:rolleyes:
    :D
     
    oldman and Wayne murray like this.
  11. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,381
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    need to sort this out so we can move on
    I'm sure David H doesn't want to turn this into a shitfight
    I love the jokes on here
     
    David H and oldman like this.
  12. deeksy62

    deeksy62 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    740
    Location:
    Sawtell
    I changed the voice on my sat Nav to Bono from U2

    Now the streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
     
    grantw, TeeBee, Syncro27 and 4 others like this.
  13. oldman

    oldman Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    9,449
    Location:
    Avalon Beach NSW
    The jokes can stay......it’s the slanging matches that won’t. :)
    Cheers,
    Mark
     
    Luckyphil likes this.
  14. Syncro27

    Syncro27 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,411
    Location:
    Terrigal, NSW Central Coast
    I actually enjoy the banter that goes along with it - quite amusing - nothing has been nasty so far (well in my view) :D
     
  15. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,012
    Location:
    newcastle
    Agree with that @rstucke. My apologies @Grantus for my lack of a sense of humour.
    Cheers
     
    tintop likes this.
  16. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,381
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS
    I understand your point of view
    just like jokes, appropriate and not so.
     
    David H and tintop like this.
  17. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,012
    Location:
    newcastle
    But you did Ninga!
    Cheers
     
  18. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,118
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  19. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Got that one a few days ago Geoff - passed it on :D;)
     
  20. T1 Terry

    T1 Terry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,425
    Location:
    Mannum South Australia
    If your replace 'W' with 'T' in 'What, Where & When... you get the answer to each of them.

    T1 Terry
     

Share This Page