Coming into summer, a guy was busy swatting flies in the kitchen. The wife walks in and asked “Are you succeeding?” “Yes”, he replies, “So far, I’ve got 9 females, and 4 males.” “How do you know which is which?” She asked... “4 were on my beer can, and 9 were on the phone!” Now, either like this JOKE, or if you don’t have enough of a sense of humour to recognise a JOKE, and you find it offensive, please refrain from replying, and simply just ignore this post.
A simplified urine test that is relevant for us blokes. Go outside and pee in the garden. If ants gather:- diabetes. If you pee on your feet:- prostate. if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol. if when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis. if you return inside with your penis outside your pants:- Alzheimers
The other day I was walking along the street when I slipped in dog shit. A minute latter, some guy did exactly the same. I said to him, "I just did that". He punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard!
A return patient walks in for an appointment with her plastic surgeon, for yet another face lift. The Doctor sits her down, to explain a new procedure, that she may be interested in. “We have a new process called ‘The Knob’. We fit it to the back of your neck, and it’s connected to your facial skin and muscles. Every two years you simply turn the knob, to tighten up the skin. No anaesthetic, no time in hospital, no bruising or recovery time.” “Sounds great!”, says the patient, so she agrees to have the knob fitted. 10 years later, the patient is back for an appointment with the surgeon. “Doctor”, she says, “The knob has been wonderful! Every two years I’ve tightened it a little, and feel like a new woman. However, I just need you to look at these bags under my eyes.” The doctor has a close look, and says, “Madam, they are your breasts.” She looks across the table, and says, “Well that would explain the goatie beard on my chin then........” Now again, either like this JOKE, or if you don’t have enough of a sense of humour to recognise a JOKE, and you find it offensive, please refrain from replying, and simply just ignore this post.
Cheers Rick. I had to put the disclaimer on the bottom, being a joke about “physicality”. Coz when I previously posted about going to my school reunion, and I was assuming that all the girls I went to school with that had big boobs, and long legs, now have long boobs & big legs, I did upset........ well one member that I know of, without a sense of humour, so I’ve learnt to add a disclaimer, when appropriate.
So a ban on jokes about fat deaf old bastards with non existent hairlines and crap memory. ?? I feel so much safer now.
need to sort this out so we can move on I'm sure David H doesn't want to turn this into a shitfight I love the jokes on here
I changed the voice on my sat Nav to Bono from U2 Now the streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
I actually enjoy the banter that goes along with it - quite amusing - nothing has been nasty so far (well in my view)
