1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    20,307
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  2. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,490
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  3. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,490
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  4. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    502
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  5. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,490
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  6. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,490
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  7. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,490
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  8. tintop

    tintop Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    609
    Location:
    Canberra
    Sharon asked me to fix the 240v power to the kitchen. I refused
     
  9. Maxa1967

    Maxa1967 Member

    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Western Queensland
    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

    The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

    The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
    The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

    Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

    BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

    “CASE DISMISSED!!”



     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2019
  10. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    502
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    They don't have the Flintstones in Saudi Arabia ........... But Abu Dhabi do

    My wife left me last night saying that i love my football more than her.........
    shame really as we have been married for 16 seasons

    Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges ..... my door's always open
     
    Ninga and oldman like this.
  11. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    20,307
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  12. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,268
    Location:
    Mentone
  13. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    502
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    73190483_10218433120406721_8133643919377301504_n.jpg
     
    tintop, Ninga and gazman like this.
  14. Maxa1967

    Maxa1967 Member

    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Western Queensland

    Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Port Macquarie.

    They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar – all drinks 10 cents.?

    They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

    The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,

    'Come on in and let me pour one for you!

    What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

    There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini.

    In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis.

    Shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'

    The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.

    Then look at each other...they can't believe their good luck.

    They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

    Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying,

    'That's 40 cents, please..' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.

    They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.

    Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10 cents each?'

    'I'm a retired tailor from Sydney,' the bartender said, 'and I always wanted to own a bar.

    Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place.

    Every drink costs ten cents - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

    Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.

    The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end

    of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

    One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'

    The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all old retired farts from the caravan park waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'
     
    grumble, Wayne murray, MAP77 and 4 others like this.
  15. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    16,334
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Pretty good advice for some, as it then saves having to apologise when you sober up......;)

    417B39B5-4138-4091-AA67-8CC30ECE3A79.jpeg
     
    TeeBee, rstucke and Wayne murray like this.
  16. cbus

    cbus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    12,253
    Location:
    sunshine coast
    Take all the fun out of checking in Grant :D
     
    Grantus likes this.
  17. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    16,334
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Only a suggestion....... might save some embarrassment from narrow minded righteous BS rants.:rolleyes: :)
     
  18. Maxa1967

    Maxa1967 Member

    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Western Queensland
    upload_2019-11-28_19-38-16.jpeg
     
    TeeBee, rstucke, Ninga and 6 others like this.
  19. oldman

    oldman Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    8,897
    Location:
    Avalon Beach NSW
    Let’s move on.....
    An open apology was made.......;)
    Cheers,
    Mark
     
    David H and Luckyphil like this.
  20. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    16,334
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Indeed there was....... let’s just hope it was a behavioural learning curve, and that no more will be needed.

    All good. ;)
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2019

Share This Page