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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. chris taylor

    chris taylor Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,365
    Location:
    adelaide sth aust
    Look at it from another angle Dave , There is a message there ,secretly he wanted a VW but could only afford a Toyota.so number plates are the next best thing.
     
  2. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    553
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    79196387_10157609242119020_6400867070640128_n.jpg
     
    Ninga, TeeBee and Elsie 76 like this.
  3. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,339
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    I hate it when people ask me what my plans are for the New Year?

    I don’t know - I don’t have 2020 vision
     
    MAP77, Ninga, TeeBee and 2 others like this.
  4. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes.
    Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit 4 cups self raising flour.
    Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekin window. Finish of the Vodka and wipe the counter with the fekin cat.
     
  5. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    20,553
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Brian, takes me back to 1979 and camping tour of Europe with CCT - Continental Camping Tours aka Constantly Changing Tents :p
    Cooking meals shared by everyone on the bus and on the last night in Amsterdam I get pudding duties - powdered stuff you mixed with water :rolleyes: ..... just so happened I found a full bottle of Vodka with preparation and result similar :confused: ..... next morning was the Heineken Brewery tour :eek: ..... helped relieve the hangover:cool:
     
    Wattie, BrianK and TeeBee like this.
  6. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    553
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    78658784_10163496484735377_1854779659682578432_n.png
     
    Ninga and rstucke like this.
  7. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  8. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  9. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    553
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  10. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  11. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    C563E346-DE2D-4B84-ADE2-A3D822E2C3CC.jpeg
     
    Ninga, MAP77 and TeeBee like this.
  12. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,574
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
  13. paul77

    paul77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    980
    Location:
    Brisbane
    Went to buy a Christmas tree the other day from a department store. As I was purchasing the tree the young lady asked if I was going to put the tree up myself. I replied that I was actually thinking of putting it up in the family room.
     
    TeeBee, Grantus, MAP77 and 5 others like this.
  14. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,339
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    Christmas Cracker Jokes

    What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot

    Where do you take a sick horse?
    Horse-pital

    Where should a dress maker build their house?
    On the outskirts of town

    What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
    The milky baa kid
     
    grantw, KahunaKombi, BrianK and 3 others like this.
  15. Ninga

    Ninga Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,119
    Location:
    Tumut
    How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?

    They had a weigh in a manger.
     
  16. oldman

    oldman Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    8,992
    Location:
    Avalon Beach NSW
    That last one’s a cracker! (joke....)
    Cheers,
    Mark
     
  17. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    553
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  18. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    553
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  19. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    20,553
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Who is Santa's favourite Singer?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Elf-is Presely
     
  20. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    20,553
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld

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