Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.
Who can drink 20 litres of petrol .............. Jerry can!
The wife has been missing a week now ..... Police said to prepare for the worst ..... So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Gold medal for that one
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin.
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"
So I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this afternoon and the lady behind me honked at me and flipped me off because I was taking to long to order.
So I paid for her food.
I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me because the teller told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too!
I paid for it, it’s mine! Now she has to wait even longer.
She gonna learn today!
An elderly wife was booking her husband into a high care facility, when she asks the doctor in charge of the care home, how do they test for what stage of dimentia their patients have.
“It’s quite simple”, replied the doctor. “We fill up a bathtub with water, and give the patient a teaspoon, a cup, and a bucket. We then ask them to decide, which method would be the quickest way to move all the water out of the bath.”
“I didn’t realise it was that simple”, replied the wife. “Obviously the bucket would be the quickest way.”
The Doctor looked at her, and said, “Most people just say to remove the bath plug.......... So which room would you like?”
What do you call a Jewish person from New Zealand?
Yup up Wolf Creek
A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
What's Forrest Gump's password?
Geeez......... out did yourself here
Separate names with a comma.