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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. 1500king

    1500king Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,532
    Location:
    Adelaide, SA
    Aussie farmer says to NZ farmer, "why don't you shear your sheep?"

    NZ Farmer says" I'm not shearing them with anybody".
     
  2. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    I think my wife sells drugs?

    As I was leaving the phone rang.

    When I answered it the bloke on the other end said "has that dope gone yet?"




    I met a man with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it .
    I thought that’s Abba-riginal



    My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

    I want to say hello but there's just too much history between us.
     
    Syncro27 likes this.
  3. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    My horse will only come out of it’s stable when it gets dark.

    It’s becoming a night mare.



    My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure.

    So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
     
    grantw likes this.
  4. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    I went to Dan Murphy’s on Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of rum and put in the bicycle basket.as I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle,the bottle would break.
    So I drank all the rum before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle 7 times on the way home.
     
    Syncro27, Weekender, David H and 2 others like this.
  5. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    14,493
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Q. Why are public servants not allowed to look out the window in the morning?

    A. Coz then they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon........;)
     
    Syncro27 likes this.
  6. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    In the old days English teachers had to know 5 competencies
    : play, pause, stop, rewind & eject

    Now they only need 4
    : play, pause, stop & eject
     
  7. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    14,493
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Why is that sport of trying to hit a ball with bent sticks, into a tiny hole out of site, called “golf”?

    Coz all the other 4 letter words were taken......;)
     
  8. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the school swimming pool,

    I gave him a glass of water.
     
    Borgey likes this.
  9. reelmick

    reelmick Member

    Messages:
    87
    Location:
    lake macquarie
    The gingerbread man went to the doctors with a sore knee, doc said have you tried icing it.
     
    oldman likes this.
  10. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    18,484
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Thought that generous being a school pool - thought a different donation in similar size container may have been given :eek:
     
    BrianK likes this.
  11. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    In Australia, on any given day, there is a kid knocked over every 11 minutes......and he's getting sick of it.
     
  12. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    I've got a joke about procrasination....I'll tell you tomorrow.
     
  13. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    Someone said to me the other day, "Have you seen "De Ja Vu"? with Denzel Washington in it?"
    I said, "I've seen it before"
     
  14. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    Its a small world......but I wouldn't want to paint it.
     
    BrianK and David H like this.
  15. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    My girlfriend just told me she doesn't care what she gets for Christmas this year!

    "Just make sure it's got diamonds in it" she said.

    A pack of playing cards it is then.
     
  16. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Can't believe they fired me from the clock factory, after all the extra hours I put in.
     
  17. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

    It's all fun and games until someone loses an i.
     
    Maxa1967 likes this.
  18. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,223
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.

    He's got back issues.
     
    Jurgen Grossmutter likes this.
  19. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    A catalogue of complaints?
     
  20. Jurgen Grossmutter

    Jurgen Grossmutter Active Member

    Messages:
    384
    Location:
    Ipswich
    The minute details would've got to me within a second. I walked out of that factory in a daze feeling week.
     

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