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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. tintop

    tintop Active Member

    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Canberra
    the kids never liked getting their hair cut so i said we were going to a barber queue
     
  2. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    18,637
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Job's not finished until the paperwork is done :eek:
     
    betsy likes this.
  3. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
    An oldie... FB_IMG_1540970499001.jpg
     
  4. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
    You can tell why this is my favourite coffee shop? FB_IMG_1541028991441.jpg
     
    Debstar, David H, KahunaKombi and 4 others like this.
  5. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,229
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    I was at the bank today & an asian lady was trying to exchange Yen for Dollars. It was quite clear that she was extremely irritated. To which she shrieks, "Why it change? Yessaday I get two hunat fo yen.Today, I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders & said, "Fluctuations". The asian lady shrieked louder, "Fluc you white people too"
     
  6. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
    FB_IMG_1541112374273.jpg
     
    Debstar, MAP77 and Barry like this.
  7. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    18,637
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    Some bits of VW memorabilia in the background :):cool::D;)
     
  8. 68BUS

    68BUS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,238
    Location:
    Brisbane
    FB_IMG_1541190251400.jpg .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2018
    betsy, Grantus, David H and 3 others like this.
  9. rstucke

    rstucke Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    641
    Location:
    Wamberal NSW AUS


    Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do here, today, may be a burning issue somewhere else, tomorrow
    .
     
  10. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    18,637
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  11. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,229
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
    The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.
    Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
    When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
    He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."
    Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
    'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
    Joe tried on the suit; it fitted perfectly.
    As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
    Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
    The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
    Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
    "Been in the business 60 years."
    Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly.
    Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
    Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
    The salesman said, "Let's see...size 36."
    Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
    The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34.
    A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
    New suit - $400
    New shirt - $36
    New underwear - $6
    Second opinion - PRICELESS
     
    David H, paul77, tintop and 6 others like this.
  12. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,229
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV... The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
    The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
    Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump.
    "The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
    Jack took the money...
     
    David H, tintop, oldman and 2 others like this.
  13. Grantus

    Grantus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    14,628
    Location:
    Southern ACT
    Why do sardines in Australia never swim any further north than Townsville?

    They don’t want to end up in Cairns!
     
    Luckyphil, MAP77 and Wayne murray like this.
  14. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
    FB_IMG_1541721921819.jpg
     
    rstucke and Barry like this.
  15. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,689
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    Ahhhhh...... Who is on first base

    Classic stuff
     
    Ninga and oldman like this.
  16. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
  17. betsy

    betsy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,108
    Location:
    Mentone
  18. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,229
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.
    Mick says, oh no Paddy what ya doing?
    Paddy says, Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended
    I do something sexy to a tractor.
     
    Wayne murray, tintop, Ninga and 2 others like this.
  19. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,439
    Location:
    newcastle
    :D:D:D. Loved it Brian.
     
  20. Wayne murray

    Wayne murray Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,996
    Location:
    Seven hills
    :D:D:D Your killing me, Brian with that one.
     

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