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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,976
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  2. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,738
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    For the Medics and nurses out there

    Artery
    : The study of fine paintings

    Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria
    Barium: What doctors do when patients die

    Catscan: Searching for kitty
    Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
    Coma: A punctuation mark.

    D&C: Where Washington is

    Enema: Not a friend
    ER: The things on your head that you hear with

    Fester: Quicker than someone else

    Genes: Blue denim slacks
    G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball

    Hemorrhoid: A male from outer space

    Impotent: Distinguished, well-known

    Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane
    Morbid: A higher offer than I bid

    Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

    Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move
    Outpatient: A person who has fainted

    Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad
    Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go
    Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
    Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative: A letter carrier

    Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
    Rectum: Almost killed him
    Red Blood Count: Dracula

    Secretion: Hiding something
    Seizure: Roman Emperor

    Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
    Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character
    Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak
    Tumor: More than one, an extra pair

    Varicose: Near by/close by
    Vein : Conceited
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2019
  3. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,976
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  4. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,738
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    ^^^^^ ........ driving / restoring a Kombi burns through any money
     
  5. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,260
    Location:
    Mentone
  6. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    937
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
    image015.jpg
     
    Grantus likes this.
  7. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    937
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  8. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    937
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  9. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,260
    Location:
    Mentone
  10. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,260
    Location:
    Mentone
    FB_IMG_1553777993217.jpg
     
    rstucke likes this.
  11. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,390
    Location:
    Mount Gambier, SA
    My mate needed a Bone Marrow Transplant & after many searches

    we found a perfect match in Argentina.

    The operation took place & was a great success.

    Our thanks go out to Diego, Marrow Donor.
     
    Tangles and oldman like this.
  12. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,976
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  13. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,976
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

    Talk about Dyson with death.
     
    TeeBee likes this.
  14. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    19,976
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
    1.My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE..
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside… I just finished cleaning."

    2.My Parents taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3.My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4.My Parents taught me LOGIC.
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    5.My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC.
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6.My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7.My Parents taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8.My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper"

    9.My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10.My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11.My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12.My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13.My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14.My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15.My Parents taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16.My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17.My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18.My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

    19.My Parents taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20.My Parents taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21.My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22.My Parents taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23.My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24.My Parents taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    And my favourite:

    25.My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
     
  15. 68BUS

    68BUS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,522
    Location:
    Brisbane
    Thats terrible. But funny. But terrible. But funny.....
     
  16. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,988
    Location:
    newcastle
    I laughed:) & then I cried:confused: for why I laughed:(.
    It's not okay now to even joke about what THEY have done:mad:.
    What if you'd been a recipient of their abuse?
    There are many whom haven't survived the sexual abuse they received:(.
    Let's not turn that into a joke:(.
    I had to stand up for the abused & it not be a joke.
    David H
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2019
    oldman, TeeBee, micklyan and 2 others like this.
  17. 68BUS

    68BUS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,522
    Location:
    Brisbane
    Well said mate.
    For once DavidH is anti controversy.
    ;)
     
    David H likes this.
  18. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,988
    Location:
    newcastle
    Depends if your avatar is reelmick I guess;):oops:.
    Cheers
     
  19. oldman

    oldman Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    8,603
    Location:
    Avalon Beach NSW
    Yes, that one was a bit close for a family friendly forum.....
    Now gone...
    Let’s keep the input a little more tasteful folks ;)
    Cheers,
    Mark
     
    tintop, Ninga and Grantus like this.
  20. Tangles

    Tangles Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    682
    Location:
    On the road somewhere
    Sorry Mark,
    But I will disagree with the sentiment here. My belief is that a "family friendly" forum will protect the most vulnerable in that family, ie, the children.
    I have met too many who's lives were destroyed by the evil and powerful, who get away with it.
    Hopefully, by telling jokes about them, and tearing them down off their pedestals of power, can we start to be rid of them.
     

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