Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.
For the Medics and nurses out there
Artery: The study of fine paintings
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria
Barium: What doctors do when patients die
Catscan: Searching for kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is
Enema: Not a friend
ER: The things on your head that you hear with
Fester: Quicker than someone else
Genes: Blue denim slacks
G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball
Hemorrhoid: A male from outer space
Impotent: Distinguished, well-known
Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move
Outpatient: A person who has fainted
Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad
Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go
Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative: A letter carrier
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Rectum: Almost killed him
Red Blood Count: Dracula
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character
Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak
Tumor: More than one, an extra pair
Varicose: Near by/close by
Vein : Conceited
^^^^^ ........ driving / restoring a Kombi burns through any money
My mate needed a Bone Marrow Transplant & after many searches
we found a perfect match in Argentina.
The operation took place & was a great success.
Our thanks go out to Diego, Marrow Donor.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
1.My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE..
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside… I just finished cleaning."
2.My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5.My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
9.My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13.My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14.My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15.My Parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16.My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17.My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18.My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.My Parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.My Parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My Parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23.My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.My Parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favourite:
25.My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Thats terrible. But funny. But terrible. But funny.....
I laughed & then I cried for why I laughed.
It's not okay now to even joke about what THEY have done.
What if you'd been a recipient of their abuse?
There are many whom haven't survived the sexual abuse they received.
Let's not turn that into a joke.
I had to stand up for the abused & it not be a joke.
Well said mate.
For once DavidH is anti controversy.
Depends if your avatar is reelmick I guess.
Yes, that one was a bit close for a family friendly forum.....
Let’s keep the input a little more tasteful folks
But I will disagree with the sentiment here. My belief is that a "family friendly" forum will protect the most vulnerable in that family, ie, the children.
I have met too many who's lives were destroyed by the evil and powerful, who get away with it.
Hopefully, by telling jokes about them, and tearing them down off their pedestals of power, can we start to be rid of them.
Separate names with a comma.