Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.
This mornings joke....
Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, "so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin .."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Friggen hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm friggen sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with "D" cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
Paddy rolled his eyes and replied, "Because he lives in a Friggen clock!”
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, $1.00 - volume stuck on full.”
I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together.
I sh!t you knot.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
What do you call a snowman who vacations in the tropics?
Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes 'ribbet ribbet'?
Tom, Sam and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drink when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize which was a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Sam was the winner of the second prize which was a six month supply of gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize which was a toilet brush.
The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. “Great,” said Tom. “I love spaghetti.”
“Me too,” replied Sam.
“And how’s the toilet brush, Harry?”
“Not so good,” Harry groaned. “I reckon I’ll go back to toilet paper.”
Separate names with a comma.