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Crap joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Schmoburger, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    22,195
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  2. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    22,195
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  3. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
  4. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
  5. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
    This mornings joke....

    Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.
    "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
    "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
    "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
    A) Sparrow
    b) Thrush,
    c) Magpie,
    d) Cuckoo?"
    "I haven't got a clue." said Mick, "so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin .."
    Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
    "Friggen hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."
    "Are you sure?"
    "I'm friggen sure."
    Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with "D" cuckoo as my answer."
    "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
    "Dat it is."
    There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
    The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
    "Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
    Paddy rolled his eyes and replied, "Because he lives in a Friggen clock!”
     
  6. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    996
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
    Loafing Around

    no14.jpg
     
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  7. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    996
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  8. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,448
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, $1.00 - volume stuck on full.”
    I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

    I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together.
    I sh!t you knot.

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
    Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.


    My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

    Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide

    What do you call a dog with no legs?
    Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.







     
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  9. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    996
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  10. Wattie

    Wattie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,219
    Location:
    Mildura. Victoria. Australia.
  11. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
  12. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
  13. MAP77

    MAP77 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    996
    Location:
    Campbelltown NSW
  14. David H

    David H Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,478
    Location:
    newcastle
    Aww:(.
    Merry Christmas.
    Cheers
     
  15. KahunaKombi

    KahunaKombi Super Moderator Staff Member

    Messages:
    22,195
    Location:
    Bracken Ridge, Qld
  16. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,448
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    What do you call a snowman who vacations in the tropics?
    A puddle!

    Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?
    He was picking his nose!

    What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It's Christmas, Eve!

    What's green, covered in tinsel and goes 'ribbet ribbet'?
    A Mistle-toad!


     
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  17. BrianK

    BrianK Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,815
    Location:
    Port Kennedy WA
  18. wombatventures

    wombatventures Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,364
    Location:
    Peterborough SA
    Sorry Brian :D
     
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  19. cbus

    cbus Well-Known Member

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    13,192
    Location:
    sunshine coast
    Ninga, oldman and BrianK like this.
  20. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,448
    Location:
    Abbotsford NSW
    Tom, Sam and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drink when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.

    Tom won the first prize which was a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Sam was the winner of the second prize which was a six month supply of gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize which was a toilet brush.

    The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. “Great,” said Tom. “I love spaghetti.”

    “Me too,” replied Sam.

    “And how’s the toilet brush, Harry?”

    “Not so good,” Harry groaned. “I reckon I’ll go back to toilet paper.”
     

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